The Hidden Reason Some People Don’t Want to Heal

Let’s be real for a second.

Not everyone actually wants to heal.

They say they do.
They talk about how tired they are of the anxiety, the overthinking, the emotional pain.

But if you look a little deeper, something else is going on.

Because for some people, healing doesn’t just mean feeling better.
It means letting go of the one thing their problem has been giving them all along:

Attention.

Yep. Sometimes the issue isn’t the issue — the attention is.

When Struggle Becomes a Strategy

For many, the problem has become part of their personality.

Their anxiety is their identity.
Their trauma is their story.
Their overthinking is the reason they can’t move forward — and the justification they keep repeating.

And here’s where it gets uncomfortable:
If they solved the problem, who would they be without it?
If they stopped struggling, would anyone still check in?

There’s an unconscious payoff to staying stuck.

They’re not addicted to the pain.
They’re addicted to what the pain brings:
Sympathy. Validation. Significance.
Maybe even an easy way to avoid growth.

Because once you're “healing,” people rally around you.
Once you're healed — you're expected to show up.

Why Healing Can Feel Like a Threat

Here’s the paradox:

We think we want peace…
But peace means quiet.
It means fewer check-ins.
No more drama.
No more easy excuses.

It means stepping into a new version of yourself — one that doesn’t rely on suffering to be seen.

And for some, that feels like a bigger risk than staying stuck.

So, What Now?

If you’ve read this far and something in you is resisting… good. That means we hit something real.

The truth is:
You can’t keep holding onto the problem and expect to embrace the solution.

You have to choose.

You have to be willing to lose the attention, the validation, the story — in order to gain your freedom.

Because that version of you who only knew how to get love by being broken?

They can’t come with you.

Ready to drop the problem and step into the solution?

This is the deep work I do with clients — helping them finally let go of the unconscious reasons they’ve been holding themselves back.

If you’re done performing your pain and ready to actually heal — reach out.
Apply to work with me.